Ode to my car...

It has been a long time since I've written anything. Anything at all. It was a long Autumn, and looks to be a long Winter. I loaded up the family to go visit my parents. My mom and dad are in the 70s, and health is a short commodity these days. It is about a 3 1/2 hour drive from Eau Claire to Green Bay - due East - and the weather looked fine when we left home. However, it didn't stay that way for long. By the time we reached Chippewa Falls, only 20 minutes away, it had started to snow. Less than an hour later, our trip had come to an abrupt stop.

Unfortunately, (above) this is what is left of my 2008 Mercedes-Benz GL450. The car probably saved our lives. The outside is a mess, but the cabin was intact and all the occupants, although scared, were alright. Including five children, the eldest only 12 years old. My youngest son, who has Down Syndrome, kept saying "I'm scared Daddy - that really scared me." but he was okay, not a scratch. Elizabeth and Emma (all of five years old) needed to be hospitalized to get their neck and back checked out, but they were okay. Just suffered minor whiplash from the collision.

I've always thought cars were a really bad investment. And, frankly, have regretted buying this Mercedes-Benz since the day I drove it off the lot. But, I must admit, it kept my family safe. All in all, things could have been much worse.

Unfortunately, I never did make it back to Green Bay to see my parents. Which is really too bad. I miss my parents, and fear this may be the last Christmas I could spend with them.

I hope 2009 brings good health and fortune to our family. We could use the change of pace.

F'ing Cold!!!!!

I recently had the good pleasure to go camping with my 10 year-old son. It was a Boy Scout campt, and accomodations were minimal -- not what I am used to when I travel. Upon arrival and unpacking our provisions, I realized that I forgot my damn sleeping bag. This is normally not a big deal in the middle of summer... but this was northern Wisconsin, and a very clear night. Shit! There is a well known effect, black-body radiation, which saps the warmth from everything when there is no cloud cover. The deep blackness of the night sky absorbs the heat emitted from the Earth.... resulting in, you guessed it, really fucking cold.

We had a nice camp fire until about 10:30 pm, but then it gave way to the stifling cold and the boys and dads retreated to our humble tent-like shelters.

Fuck!!! By 11:00 pm, my body temperature was telling me to look for a source of heat. As 1:00 am rolled around, panic set in that I wouldn't get any sleep at all. By 3:30 am, the mucus in my nose was frozen into corn-flaked sized projectiles. It was a looooong night. I did manage to sleep from about 4:15 am til 5:00 am, when I think the temperature reached a minimum.... 45 degrees F. I was covered with a thin beach towel, with about as much warmth as the Wicked Witch of the West. Fuck!!! I was cold. At that point, I stumbled out of the "shelter" and made my way to the car -- a brilliant move, I wish I had thought of it hours ago! -- to retrieve the chemically activated hand warmers nestled in my first-aid kit in the back of my car. I stuffed those in my pocket and headed back for shelter, it was about a quarter-mile trek back from the car to the campsite.


With my modest warmth in hand, I managed another 45 minutes of sleep... until we awoke to do the polar plunge at 6:00 am. Shit! Does anyone sleep on these campouts?!

I had a wonderful, but somnilent, time at camp with my son. I wouldn't trade it for anything... except maybe a sleeping bag.

At the crack of dawn, I started a fire and managed to raise my body temperature by a few degrees.

Iron Chef - Kid Stadium

For all the parents out there who have struggled to get their kids to try different foods, here is a fun way to develop their prepubescent pallets. I am a fan of The Food Network which has a series called Iron Chef America where contestants can challenge a venerable "iron" chef to a cook off. Each contestant is given 60 minutes to prepare several dishes from a secret ingredient which is revealed at the beginning of the show. The secret ingredient is usually something exotic like swallows nest, eel, cow pie, or something equally improbable.

I've taken this idea and put a fun twist on it for my 12 and 10 year-old sons to experiment with food and cooking in a controlled environment, namely my kitchen, where I have immediate access to a fire extinguisher, first-aid supplies, and a garbage can. As the "responsible" parent, I choose the secret ingredient. Examples of past secret ingredients include: peanut butter, popcorn, steak, etc. Last week we had our "celery and carrot" challenge. Each contestant makes three or four dishes with the secret ingredient, and is judged on:

• Taste (15 points)
• Presentation and plating (10 points)
• Originality (10 points)

The kids had 60 minutes to prepare their dishes at which time I get to [gulp] sample each dish, and score them. Here is what they came up with...

Chef Austin's Dishes

Chef Austin's first dish (left) was "cowboy stew" made with rehydrated beef jerky (no kidding), pearl onions, carrots, and celery. This dish was simmered for several minutes to reconstitute the beef jerky, which imparted a flavorful, albeit strange, taste to the stew.

Chef Austin's second dish (right) was "frogs on a log" which was carrot morsels on a bed of veggie dip, encapsulated by a fresh stalk of celery. This was a nice variation of the classic "ants on a log" treat that so many kids have come to hate.


Finally, Chef Austin's last dish was a sesame spinach and grilled celery salad (below). The celery was drizzled with extra-virgin olive oil and grilled to imperfection, on top of a bed of fresh spinach drenched in pungent sesame seed oil. Unfortunately, this dish was so over-seasoned with sesame seed oil it had to be gently carried outside because the pungent sesame seed oil was starting to peel the paint off the walls! Unfortunately, it was inedible.... very inedible, in fact it was probably toxic. So it was judged on originality, and presentation, but not taste.








Chef Mitchel's Dishes
The reigning champion and venerable Chef Mitchel has taken a safer approach to the carrot and celery challenge.

We start with a celery and carrot sandwich (below). Finely chopped carrots and celery mixed with veggie dip served on calcium fortified white bread. A cute little bite out of the corner helped to score points for presentation.


Next up on Chef Mitchel's menu was a "sunshine celery and carrot" medley (below). This delightfully fresh and fun dish was garnished with tangerines. Each carrot was carefully cut to size and embedded in a stalk of celery. The combination of carrot and celery together in one tidy package gave a crunch-crunch goodness that was sure to loosen a few fillings.









Chef Mitchel's final dish was a geometrical tribute to celery and carrots (below). Inspired by the architectural lines of Frank Lloyd Wright, this dish combines thinly sliced strips of celery, with carrots and a glob of vegetable dip. Definitely playing it safe with this dish, but the presentation was fun.






And the winner is...
It was a close competition: Chef Austin took some challenges with the sesame spinach and grilled celery salad, unfortunately, the toxic nature of the dish made a sour burp a welcome experience. Chef Mitchel took a safe approach and literal interpretations of each plate, each of which were edible - in fact, the celery and carrot sandwich was quite good!

In the end: Chef Mitchel was awarded
31/35 total points, and Chef Austin earned 29/35 total points.

In the final analysis
We always have a lot of fun with Iron Chef - Kid Stadium and my boys have developed a new found taste for celery (which I didn't think was possible). More importantly, we made some great memories, have new stories to share, and learned some basic kitchen skills. Oh, and it encourages some creative thinking.... which may come in handy in their future endeavors.

Grace....

I don't consider myself a particularly religious man. I was raised Catholic, and raised my children in that tradition. As a scientist, it is a particularly thorny issue to struggle with the apparent dichotomy between the natural sciences and religion. Personally, I find the beauty imposed by the natural order of things to be divine. For example, the evolution of brightly colored flowers which serve to attract the birds and bees that dutifully spread their pollen. Those species of flowers which were differentiated from others thrived in a competitive universe.

I realize that life is an imperfect endeavor. Looking upon my life, I have many things to be thankful for, including a loving family, friends that care deeply about my well-being, a job that I find stimulating and wonderful, among other things. This reflection leads me to ask about what is "god's grace" and is there such a thing? I've come to the conclusion that god's grace provides me with what I need. God's mercy spares me from what I deserve. Perhaps as I get older I am beginning to reconcile the not-so-distant relationship between science and religion.

Too much love?

Is it possible to love something too much? I love my children and would do anything for them. But, sometimes it is the simplest things in life that bring us happiness. My son Parker, for example, loves his stuffed animals. Well, to be fair, he plays favorites. His favorite toy is his stuffed Woodstock -- you know the flittering little yellow bird that keeps Snoopy company.

Woodstock has been Parker's consummate friend for the past three years. As a result, Woodstock is suffering from signs of being doted upon day after day. Much of his feathers (yarn) have fallen out as if he has just been through extensive radiation therapy.

The moral of the story: sometimes when you love someone with such intensity, we must remember to show them the love and care they need -- or it is quite possible that all their hair (or feathers) will fall out!

Bearly surviving.

For Christmas last year I received a book, The Extreme Survival Guide, which was a very thoughtful gift. It was, however, in some sense a commentary on my life -- more or less as she viewed things -- essentially saying, "here read this, you're gonna need it!" The book is intended to be a practical guide covering a breadth of topics ranging from, how to survive a shipwreck, or what to do if you are stranded on the side of the road in Alabama (not sure which is worse), to more practical things as how to deal with a bad hair day, or endure a really bad cup of coffee.

To be honest, I never thought I would have much need for such a tome. My life is relatively uneventful for the most part. My only death-defying act I am capable of is driving my scooter at dusk, when the mosquito density is so thick that I am bound to get one in my eye resulting in a bloody crash into the neighbors back yard at 12 mph. Thus, I feel no compelling reason to commit The Extreme Survival Guide to memory.

However, this past Memorial Day, I had just the opportunity to crack open this book. I was sitting on the deck in the back of my house enjoying a glass of red wine. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed what appeared to be a large dog, I thought perhaps a German Shepherd because of its large brown snout - which is the only thing I saw at first glance. I took another sip of wine and peered over for another look. This time it was very clear what I was seeing --- b-b-b-b-e-a-r..... bear! Holy shit, a HUGE black bear, about 20 feet from me turns and looks directly at me. It scared me, so much so that I damn near spilled my wine!

He (or she... I really didn't bother to lift its tail to confirm this...) ambled through my back yard until I stood up to make my daring escape. Then, it left out a startled "grunt" and ran into the woods at an alarming rate. I had no idea these creatures were so fast! I was so addled from the encounter I ran into the door -- literally, ran into the door, not through it -- after gaining my composure and turning the door knob I managed to run through the door and tell the kids. B-b-b-b-e-a-r!! Look! And they did, confirming my sighting was not some wine induced hallucination.

I immediately called my oldest brother, to explain what just went down. He suggested that I immediately call the Department of Natural Resources to report it.... which I thought was a really stupid idea. Once the DNR sees all the garbage I've been throwing in woods behind my house I will have some explaining to do. No wonder there is a bear infestation in my back yard.

Needless to say, I am no longer taking midnight strolls through the woods.... at least not without my bear spray. Thanks Extreme Survival Guide I never thought I would need to know how to deal with a bear encounter -- even one at 20 feet away was close enough for me.

Random thoughts from a random guy

I keep a diary of random, and often remarkably stupid, thoughts and ideas that amble about my synapses. I titled it the "Annals of Random Thoughts, by Dennis" a hefty tome worthy of its namesake. Allow me to regale you with some excerpts.

On exercise.
No doubt, I need to exercise more frequently. Unfortunately, I have a prosthetic hip which makes running even more burdensome. From time to time I get what is commonly known as "restless leg syndrome" (RLS) which is a compelling and equally irritating urge to move my legs in bed. Being the eternal optimist, I decided to start wearing sweat pants to bed, because RLS is the closest thing I get to exercise... I may as well dress the part.

Makes my blood boil...
I have many blessings in my life, unfortunately, hypertension is not one of them. A recent visit to the doctor revealed that I have seriously high blood pressure. So, my doctor prescribed a diuretic to help lower my blood pressure. I found it amusingly ironic that the instructions on my pill bottle say "take one tablet with a full glass of water." On my next visit to my physician, I explained the apparent folly to my doctor which was met with a blank look, five second pause, and then a guffaw that brought tears to his eyes. Really, it wasn't that funny... just a casual observation. I told him he should try it some time.